I absolutely don't like calling my sister's name out loud, especially when we are in public/certain situations in public, and my reason(s) may sound funny/pathetic?
But hey read on.
I mean a lot of the time, in public, I really would rather just tap her than call out her name, especially when I'd rather everyone just see her as nothing more than my blood sister, not my step sister, not my niece or cousin, and definitely not my daughter, but then her name tends to say otherwise,.
Like I've never failed to correct the ignorance/ or when people refer to her or my siblings, as my "step siblings", instead of my half siblings or BETTER still, just my siblings, when they choose to question or assume why her name is so, if I'm supposedly her elder/eldest sister?
You see, calling my sister's name out loud in public or anytime, automatically oftentimes erases me from the equation or raises a lot of questions or unanswered questions which I really don't fancy, (but I'm now used to), and as little as this reason may seem/sound, was part of all the tiny numerous and other toxic foundational reasons that piled up into a much bigger reason, that made my mind key into more negative loops/cycles, over the years, that I was never needed or important or useful to my family.
Until therapy started my healing process!
Allow me explain a little better:
Let me start by roughly saying; I am the only child between my parents who never got married to each other, and my mum who got married when I was roughly 15, had my sister about 2 years later, who was named by her Father; my stepdad.
Whew!
Now, let's say my sister's name is X, (for the purpose of this article); and X is a well known beautiful unique Nigerian cultural name, which roughly translates to "The First Daughter".
Fair enough and obviously, my sister is undoubtedly my stepdad's first daughter, and
I mean, I entirely perfectly understand it's okay to name her that,
But also, Really?
You see, In Nigeria yeah, certain cultural names are given to children; names, which are used to denote the "position of a child" in the family.
You know for instance, how first or only male sons in Igbo families, are oftentimes named after their fathers, simultaneously with the name "Junior"?
Like if a father's name is "Chukwunonso" for example, his first son becomes "Chukwunonso Junior"?
So oftentimes, when you hear someone or a friend get called "Junior", you automatically can deduce that he's either the first son, or the only son perhaps!
Get it?
Exactly!
That was/is my case!
Now like I said, biologically, I am not my Stepdad's first daughter, and I am just my Father's first daughter and I know/understand that perfectly well!
But you see, it always used to be awkward (still is sometimes) when I'd be out with my little sister and be forced to politely explain why her name is X, and X is not my own name, if I'm being curiously asked or for the times where I had to explain she's not my daughter and definitely not my niece lol just incase that's the assumption too, as we look so much alike.
When I was younger, It used to bother me, but now, not so much, nah,
Except that I'm reminded over and over again that I am not my stepfather's daughter,
Which is fine, but unnecessary really?
But then I am learning to constantly or occasionally ignore the curiosity of the cats.
So hey!
Now interestingly, my own name, given to me by my grandma (My mother's Mum), also is given to first daughters where my Grandma is from, but because my Grandma's culture is way less popular than my stepdad's culture and hence the popularity of the name "X", you can rarely tell that by the meaning of my name, I am a first daughter, unless you ask for the meaning, or are familiar with the name
Even with that, it could still confuse anyone who knows the meaning of both different cultural names, as to why there are two first daughters!
Lol.
Hold on, I'm getting somewhere with all of these explanations.
Please keep reading.
I remember also feeling some typa way, the day I found my first sister on my Dad's side, was named after my father's eldest sister; who is also the eldest living matriarch figure on my Father's side, and whom they all often spend time with; as I have no close relationship with my father's side. Yet on that same day I came to understand that my native name from my Father's side was given to me by my Father's mum, who named me after herself, even though she met me just once before she died.
And for some reason, felt good hearing that.
Yet still felt and still feel very disconnected from my Father's people!
And that's by the way!
Now, here it is,
What's in a name for real, you might still say?
Well, names, I believe, are powerful.
Meanings of names, the power these meanings carry.
And I am not in anyway religiously speaking.
I have come to notice that names are not just names,
That the name you give a person can either make or mar them.
If a person's name for instance means "Joy", notice how much they seem to give off joyful vibes?
Check around you, starting with your name first!
I remember before I hit total rock bottom with my depression, occasionally feeling the strong urge to change my name because I felt like the meaning had a moving power over my life.
Like before I started to find myself, I noticed that in all areas of my life, I was the giver, and rarely ever the receiver:
My relationships, work life, friendships, family life: pretty much every damn area!
Now, unsurprisingly, the deeper meaning of my own name, asides the "first daughter" automatic translation, means someone who is a blessing to others.
"Someone who has come to make life easier for others"
This got my brother one day asking "if you are a source of blessing to everyone, who is a blessing to you"?
I mean I felt drained because I felt like I constantly had to give and give and give, not just from the forced obligation of being the first child in an African home, but for some reason, it just was who I was; who my name made me out to be.
My name became a subconscious expectation of my reality.
But now that I am on my journey to self, I am consciously trying to key into receiving and feeling less affected or controlled by the meaning of my name or any other; and I am now well aware that if motherhood chooses me; of the importance of making the best out of that selfishness, by remembering to choose effective name(s) for my kid(s).
I'm hoping I made sense somewhat, and would hopefully write more on this name topic later, but now that we are here,
What does your name mean?
And does it noticeably interpret your life/lifestyle, define who you are truly?
So, what's in a name?
Who are you?
What's your name?
Think about it, or/and let me know in the comments section.
I look forward to reading your comments/responses always.
Xx.
If you missed the last chronicles by the way, kindly check
HERE
Written By - Anonymous.
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